The heart speaks as the soul seeks...

I have never been much of a reader of books. I'm a writer though. Any ideas that I have are normally my subconscious pushing information it picked in passing. Like, something someone said, or one small passage in some book read while bored, a great movie or simply from my own intelligence.

All that is not important. What is important is I have consistently been able to cope.

Acceptance is important. The only way I could get through my turmoil is by accepting it fully and WELCOMING it. Most of the pain that comes during these times is caused by running away from the Truth.

Finding ways to make yourself "happy". Distracting yourself. What happens then is the depression becomes a brooding one. Like a heavy blanket, and not a cozy one.

Which is why I did not try to escape. I let this whole week go by without getting any work done. Sure, I feel guilty. But, I have no regrets. I knew if I did try to work, I'd have been uber-inefficient.

But, it works for some people. Drowning yourself in your work. Which is why always follow your own personal Truth. I did not learn the idea of acceptance and appreciation from anyone as a "strategy". I "felt" it was what I needed to do.

I have never been embarassed about my own emotions. I do cry when I'm alone and use it as a healing tool. I cry, not just for heartbreak. I cry when I'm overstressed. I cry when I procrastinate too much and have a crapload of work to get done in the last minute. I cry, sometimes while watching a movie.

For guys, all this intense emotions you are feeling, however unwelcome, they are YOURS, and yours alone. I APPRECIATED them.

But, having said all that, I am a positive thinker in the sense that I do not expect to die today but do not tempt fate by jumping off a cliff.

It's not to "stay positive" no matter what happens. It's to accept and appreciate every experience as it comes.

Life has it's ups and downs. Wild successes and spectacular failures. You can appreciate every experience as it is, or you can struggle to get to the highs, struggle to keep it and struggle when it leaves - Which actually leaves you in a state of suffering through the whole experience - Or you can treat every experience, every moment as an equally valid and rich life experience.

Take a breakup for example. If you're holding on to just wanting the high, you'll suffer and struggle to get the relationship back, the girl back, those feelings back. You're suffering, it hurts, you're resisting.

Alternatively, you can view the entire experience as valid and true ... The waves of sadness, the learning experience, the whole works. You can feel a deep appreciation for having experienced what you've experienced. The sadness doesn't actually disappear, but rather than resisting it and suffering from it, you are now appreciating it.

And whenever life beats you down, let it. But remain open to it. Accept it's a transitory state and it's gonna pass, but don't crave for it to pass. Accept that it's gonna serve you by opening into it more. And it WILL deepen you if you're able to do that. So that the next wave won't tackle you down and destroy all hope. I'll get harsher and say "Behead your hope". If you're completely open, you won't need "hope" to help you get through something. You'll be completely in it and totally submerged in it, and more able to act from a deeper place of stillness the next time it happens.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't try to "hold on" to a high. Just experience your life as fully as you can, every experience in every moment. The high from living life this way isn't an ecstatic "YAY!" type of high, but more of a deep satisfaction of life.