The Treasure Hunt for Tuning Forks

Life is passing me by.

There are days when I feel radar-less, without direction drifting away with the winds of time. Feelings. Man, they are so... intangible. Sometimes, I wake up a warrior and then other days, I'm just a lowly, neglected pathetic serf.

While all that could be explained away by the position of my head in relation to my body while I sleep and all that mumbo-jumbo, it really irritates me when I cannot make my heart do what my brain wants to. Waking up feeling good or bad is trivial. But, what do I do when I'm haunted by my own emotions?

It is all very easily said to understand life as it happens to you and "move on" in a logical plane.

However, bringing that understanding down to my emotional core is something that is beyond me at this point. It is this netherworld that is ridden with so many mirages, that keeps me struggling and surviving but never really quenches my heart.

This is the place where the ego pulls tricks that would humble the Devil.

Geniuses and catastrophic failures share the same characteristics: Determination, Passion, never giving up and a disregard for conventional wisdom.

When do beliefs become delusions?


I always depended on myself to guide me through emotional turmoil. I turn into myself for solace. And maybe that is where I make the mistake. How much ever strong I may be, I still need a semblance of understanding, a nod of assurance, a pat on the back from outside of myself. Acceptance. I'm no different. We are all like this. This is integral. Intimacy. Love. Hope. Peace.


It takes a lot of effort to bridge the gap between the brain and heart. Actually, I'm not even sure if it is possible. Maybe it is the other way around. Maybe R. A. Heinlein absolutely hit the nail on the head when he said, "Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal."

It is the emotion that happens first, and then the neocortex finds ways to justify it.


So, what am I looking for? What are we all looking for? We are all emotional junkies.

Happiness, Love. Despair, Agony. They all come down to Emotional Resonance and Emotional Dissonance.

I'm here, as you all are, running in our own heartlands. Searching, foraging, looking at the horizon and the wild promises it brings. Just searching for that one thing that "clicks".

That just feels "right". That one tuning fork that resonates with what we are at our core. That one belief, one frequency, one harmony that drives us. Emotional resonance.

This is our purpose. Finding our wavelength. Finding our true colour.

Most of us spend our whole lives grabbing different things that would make us "feel good".That career, that person, that gadget.

Some of us find it. Some of us don't. Some find it but can't have it.

This hitch that I trip on, this rabbit-hole that I slip into, this stupid playlist of emotions put in endless loop.

For all my analysis and all my introspection, this is beyond me. I give up. I accept.

As days flit by on the treadmill of ordinaryness, only this feels real to me. This feeling. This constipation of the heart.